Avicebron: Allow me to confess. I once killed a child. Atlante Alter: ... Musashi: ... I see, a child. Beowulf: ... huh. Avicebron:
Because I was summoned as a Servant, I've killed people.
... there are Servants of that sort, aren't there. Ones who dirty their hands despite having never commited such acts while alive.
It is impossible to avoid acts of violence, once one is summoned. The Holy Grail War has always been a ritual [event] for fulfilling the desires of Mages, after all.
Thus, it was inevitable [it could not be helped]. And during that Holy Grail War, I was truly despicable [最悪].
My dearest wish is the recreation of 'The Original Man' and the salvation of my people.
And in order to reach that goal, I trampled over my own dignity and morals.
I killed my own master, a child.
... ultimately, these are records. I can remember neither a name nor a face.
Despite having done something so wretched, I cannot remember anything.
But the records torment me. Each time I am summoned, they carve into me --
As if telling me, "You are no different from those mages, who are driven only by their desires."
Guda: But that's ... ! Beowulf:
... you'd be wrong to say that's not always true. Well, I've got nothing on that front, myself.
Whether something is written in the records or not is probably influenced by the Servant's personality and ideology. Or maybe the contents of the memories themselves.
You wouldn't remember a battle where nothing out of the ordinary happened, though you might want to remember that you saved the world.
... the fact that you're ashamed of your records of killing a child already makes you respectable.
But you're here right now in order to save the Human Order, aren't you.
I won't forgive you for just making yourself a sacrifice.
Avicebron:
... I suppose so ... perhaps this is nothing more than an excuse ...
But ...
What you require now ... is not a Servant, but a giant ... A powerful force ... that can stand up to the Thunder Emperor ...
Kadoc Zemlupus ...
You would do well not to underestimate him [think of him as mediocre], he will catch you off guard [trip you up] ...
Guda: Avicebron ... ! Avicebron:
Master ... I apologize.
But, for me -- this moment will probably be the only one in which I can be of use to the Human Order.
I will transfer authority over the 'Giant' to you. May good fortune be with you.
A long road and difficult [inhumane] choices await you. But I believe in you.
-- fight, young one. I believe humanity has the strength to carry out its duties!
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lostbelt 1, chapter 21.1 translation
Avicebron: Allow me to confess. I once killed a child.
Atlante Alter: ...
Musashi: ... I see, a child.
Beowulf: ... huh.
Avicebron:
Guda: But that's ... !
Beowulf:
Avicebron:
Guda: Avicebron ... !
Avicebron: